A Love Note to My Fellow Strivers:

We could stand to loosen up a bit. From Pam

I’ve been (over-)thinking.

I’ve been pondering the vast world of Striving for several months. (Welcome to the brain of a self-employed artist-writer!)

See, the book I’m working on, A Recovering Good Girls’ Guide to Owning Your Life, has got me all in a muddle lately. So I put it aside to work on a shorter, more bite-sized volume in the meantime. You know, something simple that I can have printed by an online vendor, then hold in my hands, potentially giving me a boost of confidence that will catapult me back into the bigger book project with gusto. That was the idea I came up with in January. I naively thought I’d be able to whip out this side-project-of-the-real-project in about a week’s time.

The reason I’m still working on it in March is not just because I’m writing this one by hand—as in, pushing a ballpoint pen across actual pieces of paper. Yes, I’ve gone through lots of correction tape, and have completely started over at least four times. That’s no big surprise, given my old-school methods and resistance to mapping it all out in advance. (I want it to feel fresh and spontaneous!)

The slowdown is because I’m getting mired in these two opposing concepts: Striving and Doodling. And they’re kind of central to the story.

Coming Soon: The Striver’s Guide to Doodling

This slim, supposedly simple little publication I’m struggling with is called The Striver’s Guide to Doodling.

Funny, right? Because what self-respecting Striver would waste their precious time doodling? We’ve got so many more important things to do! Lives to save! Families to feed! Articles to read!

(I get it if you’re thinking, “She’s been mired in that?” Bear with me.)

The little book’s premise is this: “Hey, fellow Strivers, we could all stand to loosen up a bit and look inward, not always outward at what the world wants from us. Let me show you, through a series of doodling lessons, some effective ways I’ve found for learning to generate and then handle your own ideas.”

I want this doodle-along-with-me book to be whimsical and yet weighty, fun but with substance and stories. Personal. Relatable. Engaging.

The working subtitle is: Loosening Lessons Mixed with a Mini Memoir.

Why So Serious About Doodling?

I’ve been doodling religiously for five years now, and so enthusiastically that I can’t help preaching about it. I’ve become a bit of a Doodling Evangelist, you might say. (A Doodlevangelist?)

Perhaps even a proselytizer. I’ve taught doodling in my studio, at a woman’s 40th birthday party in Oakland, on the 32nd floor of a San Francisco skyscraper (getting venture capitalist accountants to loosen up with pen and paper was a special Strivers’ challenge), in more than one YouTube video, at a Portland co-working space, and in remote corners of the Dominican Republic, en español. I’ll go just about anywhere I’m invited to lead people toward the magic of doodling.

In fact, Portlanders take note: On Saturday, March 21st I’ll be sharing my love of Art Journaling—which is a fancier name for doodling—at Café Eleven in NE Portland. Check out the Facebook Event page here. It’ll be free and fun.

Why do I love doodling so? Because the benefits extend far beyond that one specific goal I had at age 49 when I took an online class to learn how.

There’s No Shame In It

That’s right, I needed doodling lessons. It’s possible—but doubtful—that I’m the only Striver in the world who, while quite accomplished in other areas, had absolutely no clue where freestyle drawing ideas might originate. Where do they come from, those curlicues and fantastical patterns that emerge in the margins of other people’s lecture notes and meeting agendas? It was a complete mystery to me. But I wanted to know. I needed to know.

I’ll have you read the booklet (or wait until the next blog post, when I plan to share some pages of it) to discover the source of my desperate yet professional desire to learn how to doodle.

I’m Curious About You, Fellow Striver

So I’m wondering, can Strivers be natural Doodlers? Or is it always a struggle for us (before we’ve had lessons) to let our pens play freely? Are you able to be aimless, or are you prepossessed with purpose and plans that prevent you from plying your pencils pleasurably across the paper?

Me, I needed instructions. But it only took a five minute demo to unlock the secrets. If you also falter while finding your freestyle flair, don’t despair. Help is on the way, and it will cost about $12.

First a Dilemma, Then a Theory

I’ve developed loads of theories around Striving and around Doodling. In fact, I had big plans for this essay, in which I would eloquently discuss how Striving is tangled up with capitalism and perfectionism and competition, yet also intertwined with service and exploring the boundlessness of human potential. All day I wrote paragraphs about my own Striving history—the accolades as well as the burnout and mishaps—and how it all led me to make major, sweeping life changes. I described how daily doodling helps keep me on track, now that I’ve found more balance in my life.

Then a few hours ago I cut and pasted most of that essay into an Evernote file. Zoop! Put away, perhaps for another time.

Because reality hit and I was caught in this interesting Striver’s Dilemma: Do I Strive to publish this post on schedule (by midnight on the 3rd), or do I Strive to make it as coherent as I can, ‘cause it sure looks like I can’t do both. Since my brain is mush and the deadline has passed, I’ve opted to Strive for “good enough and also just a little bit late.” Strivers, I’m hereby demonstrating one way to loosen up. :)

I said I had a theory about Strivers and Doodling, though, so I’ll give you this one to chew on:

The Backwards Thing About Us

Here’s a funny thing I’ve noticed about us Strivers: We’re good at hard. Hard is easy for us. We take on tough assignments, slog through the most challenging situations, keep plugging away after most people have quit. We get the job done, whatever it takes. Hard comes with constraints, rules, and expectations. We understand those, we’ve trained for that. Hard often gets noticed and rewarded, and that motivates us. Even when it goes unnoticed, hard still feels good, in a weird Striverly way.

But easy? Easy is what’s hard for us. Doing a half-assed job is painful. Leaving things partly undone is uncomfortable. Quitting feels bad. Messing up can lurk in our brains for months. Taking things lightly does not come naturally. We have to Strive for lightness.

And what is doodling, after all, if it’s not light and easy-breezy, consequence-free, who-really-cares scribbling that no one needs to ever see or grade or congratulate us for?

It’s difficult and confounding, that’s what it is, but also ridiculous. Foreign and impenetrable, and just plain silly. Where are the rules? What are we supposed to do, without all of our shoulds?

One More Thing You Should Know

Maybe this will give you, Striver, the challenge you need to make doodling feel worthwhile. See, there are dangers involved. What appears easy-breezy on the surface is in fact fraught with peril. Because once you set pen to paper, all the critical voices will chime in. You know the ones I mean: the drill sargeant barking, “This is pointless, get back to work!” And the grim, exacting art teacher demanding, “Why did you choose that shape? Yours won’t look as good as the other students’ doodles.” Along with the rest of your team of nay-sayers.

One thing doodling can provide is a safe battleground for identifying and confronting our own demons. An arena for learning to hear our own ideas with more compassion and less mortification, with curiosity rather than judgment. It takes repeated practice and lots of courage, but with time, we learn to take ourselves less seriously, and treat ourselves more lovingly.

With regularly scheduled wrestling matches between our pens, our growing imagination, and those nasty voices, the humblest of acts—Doodling—becomes a steadfast counselor and muse. It’s one of the cheapest forms of therapy I know of, and a direct path to your artistic soul.

Now how is that a waste of time?
_ _ _ _ _

As always, I’m thrilled when you post a comment or send me an email with your thoughts. Are you a doodler? Why, or why not?

P. S. I love doodling with others, because then I can steal your embellishment ideas, and share mine with you. Make my day by joining me at one of these upcoming events. If you’re too far away, I invite you to grab a paper and pencil and doodle with me via YouTube here or here. Share your scribbles on social media with the hashtag #doodlevangelist , because it’s 2020 and time I tried a hashtag thing. (Like my tagline says, make stuff, share it, heal the world.)

Saturday, March 14th, 2:00 - 5:00 pm Open Make here at All Hands Art Studio; theme: art with WORDS

Saturday, March 21st, 1:00 - 3:00 pm Art Journaling at Café Eleven, 435 NE Rosa Parks Way, Portland

Also potentially perfect for Strivers:

Friday, March 27th, 6:00 - 9:00 pm Painting for the Creatively Challenged, All Hands Art Studio; receive as much instruction and emotional support as you need during this every-other-month version of Paint Night.