My Secrets For Success 🥳💫
Dear Hard-working Friend,
It’s taken me a long time to feel successful. Don’t tell Capitalism that I’m feeling contented now, because it would never approve of my methods. Capitalism would keep me hustling for my worthiness and measuring my income against the bajillionaires’, hoping that in my dejection about coming up short, I’d buy more stuff to make myself feel better.
But I’ve found a more humane approach.
Here They Are
My secrets for success:
Stop striving.
Stop over-planning.
Redefine success.
Our culture’s version of how to attain success might get you where you think you want to go. It could also lead you to a cancer diagnosis or professional burn-out.
That sounds harsh but I’ve been there, done them both.
In the 15 years since that sh*t storm, I’ve fumbled my way to a healthier way of moving through life. Like everything still living, it’s a work-in-progress, but maybe these thoughts will give you permission to hop off the crazy train (which masquerades as “the right way”) and go easier on yourself.
By unpacking how striving and over-planning work — or more accurately, don’t work — we’ll arrive at new definitions of success.
About Striving and Why I’m Over It
In the US, the cultural message is that we can be and do anything if we just apply ourselves. We’re trained to strive for what we want.
Definitions of striving include:
the act or practice of trying hard to do, reach, or achieve something
to devote serious effort or energy
to exert oneself vigorously
So what’s my beef with striving, when it sounds like a recipe for high achievement? It’s how we get ahead in this world, right?
The Problem with Striving: It assumes that we mere mortals are in control, and in charge of outcomes. Then it assumes those desired outcomes will bring us peace and happiness.
Why I’m not a fan:
🤔 Assuming we’re in control is a very Western, white-culture attitude. People who live closer to the land have constant reminders that they are subject to the whims of Nature and are not in charge of much, nor should they be. We are a part of the web of life, not the bosses of the Universe. If we actually knew how things worked and what would happen in the future, we would make better choices about how to treat the planet, for starters. Our egos like the pretense of certainty. Our Souls are only interested in Truth, Love, and Beauty.
What I AM a fan of:
🤓 When it comes to any kind of project or undertaking, here’s where I put my focus:
Dedication. Showing up to do the work, consistently, is our main responsibility. It’s how the Divine Creatrix knows we’re devoted to soulful living, and it increases the chances that She can find us when She’s ready to deliver the inspiration. ✨ Keep it calm and steady, not strivey.
Openness. I don’t hold anything too tightly, and I mean anything — my relationship with my partner; my parenting responsibilities; the art commission I’m working on; the class I’m teaching — because there must be space for Divine Creativity (or whatever you call your deities) to enter and operate. I don’t want to choke off possibilities.
Trust. Ego has a grasping energy. Soul is a steady knowing and does not panic. I trust my Soul’s ability to handle whatever comes my way.
Self-compassion. Beating myself up or having impossibly high standards is counter-productive. For more on the benefits of self-compassion as an antidote to perfectionism, read last month’s post here.
About Over-Planning and Why I’m Over It
Planning seems smart and organized, right? And it can be, to a degree. I like a little planning, some thoughtful notes in the general direction that I want things to go. My ego is super useful in helping me prepare to teach a class, for example, because it hates to appear inept.
However, I am not a fan of long-term planning. No more 5- and 10-year projections, and let’s certainly ditch the “life plan” concept, unless you want to be the butt of a joke from the Universe! Or very miserable clinging to your plan once it clearly becomes irrelevant and outdated.
The Problem with Over-Planning: It assumes that we mere mortals know what we need, can imagine what’s possible, and should be able to muscle our way there without consequences.
Why I’m not a fan:
🤔 My plans are too limited and uninspired. If I’d sat down to plan my artistic future 20 years ago, I would have striven to sell about three paintings in my life. That goal seemed unimaginably huge at the time, as though achieving it would obviously prove (to myself) that I was, in fact, an artist. Hmmm, if only! Three sold paintings later I was still mired in self-doubt. Divine Creativity recognized that I was kind of stubborn when it came to creative confidence. So instead She led me down a surprising, joke-from-the-Universe path of public mural making, putting me in front of thousands of less experienced art-makers over the course of 70-odd projects, until I could no longer argue with Her. She continues to exceed my measly expectations.
(My plans were even punier before I was bold enough to include “art” in them.)
What I AM a fan of:
🤓 When it comes to preparing for projects or classes or life adventures, here’s my approach:
Brainstorming and making notes. I am part of the equation, I may have some relevant experience, and I can start the ball rolling by jotting down what I know and where I think things might be headed. I’m an active partner of Creativity. I do my research, read, and journal regularly.
Relearning honesty. For this dance with Creation to work, we have to speak our desires (even if they’re tiny and what the culture would call ridiculous or illogical) out loud. She’ll meet us there and take us to unexpected places. It’s as though She delights in delighting us! 🎊
Tuning in. I have daily practices that help me connect with my body, mind, and soul. Sometimes I use these practices to directly ask for input about where I’m going. Other times the ideas or messages come without my asking — I just need to pay attention. This is how I hone my intuition.
Slowing down and getting quiet. In order for the practices to be effective, they need spaciousness and silence. When I’m moving my body or keeping my body still in meditation, I don’t rush. I don’t time my sessions. The voices of inspiration and instinct might shout every now and then, but more often they speak as subtle nudges and soft murmurs, according to their own schedule. I don’t want the noise of my life to block them out.
Taking one step at a time. I do not need to see my entire life’s path laid out in front of me in order to move forward. I just take one step in a direction that feels right. That one will inevitably lead to the next one, which may not have been visible two steps ago. And so it goes.
What Success Feels Like
When I follow these guidelines — openness, trusting, brainstorming, taking one step at a time, and so on — a new version of success emerges. It’s not the kind recognized by Capitalism and modern culture, meaning I’m unlikely to get rich or famous in the process. People may even think I’m a little nutty when they hear how I spend my days. But the rewards of my redefined success are deeply satisfying.
It feels like alignment.
Contentment.
Soulfulness.
Clarity of purpose.
Connection with myself, others, Nature, and the energy of the Cosmos.
It fills me with wonder and gratitude.
Sure, there are still problems to solve and new kinds of stresses. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns. But I find that the challenges are not nearly as toxic as the stress of trying — and failing — to live a life that seems designed for someone else.
What about you?
Now that you know my secrets, I’d love to hear yours. How do you find alignment, contentment, and a sense of purpose? What keeps you on track, and what signs tell you you’ve gone off course?
Here’s to our mutual life-affirming “success” 🥂,
-Pam
P.S. If you’d like support navigating change, boosting your creativity, or being braver in your work or personal life, get in touch! I offer one-on-one coaching and have a couple of spaces available for the fall. We can meet remotely or in-person. Contact me for details. ✨