Open to Re-Membering

The purplest cocktail I’ve ever had! Good thing I dressed to match it.

Well, I scrolled through some old posts but wasn’t inspired to share any of them today. (In sabbatical mode, I’m easing up on generating output.) So instead, I’ll show you some places my mind and heart have been.

And challenge myself to keep it brief and not over-edit. 🤪

Practicing Openness

In service of helping bring the world back into balance, I’m embracing the Feminine.

Listening.
Absorbing.
Slowing down.

Putting my bare feet in the soil each morning in greeting and gratitude to Mother Earth.

Stretching and moving this body in ways that it wants to be stretched and moved.

My morning routine and rituals (beyond the two things I just mentioned) have become the sacred foundation of my days. This is a complete 18o from my previous relationship to “mornings." Someday I’ll describe it in more detail, but for now I’ll just say that this time with myself is both quiet and juicy, active and contemplative. Healing tears are not uncommon. Ancestors are getting more and more involved. I can’t think of anything that feels more important to me right now, and I’ve tried! (Ponder this question: What’s more important than healing your soul? and let me know if you come up with anything.)

More Revolutionary Acts

Two of the reasons I gave myself this sabbatical were: 1) I was feeling a “strivey” energy that made me desperate to pull everyone along to my way of thinking, and then resent people when they didn’t want to come 🧐; and 2) I needed space to think about how I want to participate in capitalism. While I haven’t totally untangled those dilemmas, I’m trusting the processes of slowing and softening to show the way.

For example, I’m paying attention to when I feel pressed for time — that old familiar sense of urgency — and asking why. Is it important in the big scheme of things, or can I relax and be two minutes late? How do I want to show up to wherever I’m going, and what energy will I bring into the space? (Including this virtual space.) Am I attending to what is most important to me, or simply spinning around feeling busy?

I’m also/still prioritizing dancing. In a revolutionary act of protest-against-the-System, I join my flamenco friends in Kenilworth Park on Sundays to dance in public — and take my turn singing, out loud, by myself, in front of people! — in an improv circle. (Thanks again for conjuring this scenario, Brenna. Olé! 💃🏻) There are few activities that make me feel so alive. And also so in need of softening.

Because Oregon is opening up again in a post-COVID-ish, vaccinated way, I’ve been inviting friends over to make mosaics with me in the backyard. This has been a lovely way to reconnect in person with people I’ve mostly been seeing on Zoom for 15 months. Prioritizing using our hands to make things.

I’m working on a book about mosaic-making, which is also becoming a book about noticing where white supremacy culture has seeped into our cultural attitudes around art and creativity. (My heart raced recently when I connected Tema Okun’s list of characteristics of white supremacy culture with my lived experience of how “The Art World” operates, i.e. through competition and exclusion, promoting perfectionism, valuing outcomes over process, and so on.) This has given me a lot to think about.

Some of My Teachers

My mind and heart were just blown open again at lunchtime today when I stumbled upon an Instagram Live conversation between Liz Gilbert and Iyanla Vanzant. And yesterday when I finished reading Bird By Bird, by Anne Lamott. And the day before that when I finished Soul Conversations by Austyn Wells. And a couple weeks earlier when I finished My Grandmother’s Hands, by Resmaa Menakem. (Those last two taught me, separately but in tandem, how to connect with my ancestors — an area where I’d previously drawn a big blank.)

I turn to Michael Meade’s podcast when I feel despair about the state of the world. I play CDs of Clarissa Pinkola-Estés telling stories from her Dangerous Old Woman series when I need to feel more worthy, more soulful, and less late to the game.

Speaking of Liz Gilbert, I was surprised to hear her say in an interview a few years ago, that she spends most of her days managing her mental health. That it’s like a full time job for her. Even though I’ve never seen myself as someone who “has mental health issues,” I get what she’s saying now. Being human is so complicated, and I don’t want to just go through the motions. At the same time, it’s so simple. “We’re all connected” is all you really need to know. Embracing contradictions — yes, it’s this AND it’s that — has been a powerful lesson of aging.

The Practice, Once Again

I liked Iyanla’s take today: She said that our job in life is to REMEMBER what the Creator whispered in our ear the day we chose our assignment here on Earth. Remember the guiding principles we were given, right before that slap on the backside at birth caused us to forget everything! 😂

Really, I’ve been taking this time off to remember. To re-member. Gather myself in, reattach some parts that came loose. Connect with my team of spiritual guides, most of whom I never realized were there with me in the first place. I’d forgotten.

I’ve needed time to absorb on a cellular level that I’m not meant to fly solo, even if I was raised in a culture and a family that glorifies independence. That it’s hubris to think I’m supposed to hoist the world on my shoulders and fix it all. But folly, also, to think that my soul’s journey doesn’t matter.

Those are some of the things I’ve been thinking about.

So… how are you?

Love,
Pam